Today is my DHH BFF’s B-Day. And at the risk of giving her a big head I wanted to talk about the biggest way she’s helped me: self-advocacy.
She became an all-star self-advocate during the Islanders Dynasty. She grew up speaking up for her hearing needs. I’ve been a seventh defenseman since the Lightning started a run of two cups in three years. I’ve only started to get on the ice. And only some games. But I’m getting more playing time lately. And it’s thanks to the all-star.
I may have started playing the game because of the horrors that COVID wrought on the Deaf and Hard of Hearing Communities. But it wasn’t until I met Julie that I began to get past the guilt that comes with advocating for myself. It’s hard to not think I’m a failure when I need to ask someone to rephrase (not repeat!) what they said. My ear-jerk reaction to not hearing someone calling me is apologizing. I’ve struggled with self-confidence since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. So it’s small wonder that self-advocacy is just as big a struggle.
Julie has shown me that even if I had the self-confidence of Bobby Orr in the 70s, self-advocacy is a struggle. And that’s ok.
I’ve been wearing a pin at work that says I’m hard of hearing, I’ve been holding a class at work that gives people hearing aid tips and tricks. I’ve redesigned the HLAA Boston website. I’ve raised thousands of dollars for the HLAA. But all those accomplishments are for others. I may get collateral benefit from them but I’m able to find the confidence to do them because I can provide better customer service or help others on their hearing health journey.
Julie on the other hand asks for accommodations and self-identifies as a matter of course. She’s not mean about it, she’s not reticent about it. She just does it. Because she knows that she’s worth the added effort of someone rephrasing themself, that she’s worth the added thought of someone remembering to face her when speaking to her. I think of her every time I point to my pin and ask a patron to “say that again”, I was able to raise those thousands of dollars for the HLAA Walk4Hearing by asking, repeatedly, for donations because she’s propped up the rickety scaffolding that is my self-advocacy skill.
And that’s a gift that will keep on giving.
My habit of shying away from speaking up for myself and just dealing with it is slowly becoming a habit of softly but firmly speaking up for myself because I think I’m worth it. I’ll never be the boisterous self-advocate that Julie is. And the more time I spend with her the more I realize that’s ok. I think it was in Quiet that I first came across the term “quiet confidence”. That was one of the many moments where I put the book down in awe. It was one of the many, many things that resonated with me as strongly as a good slice of pie in that book. I read that book many moons ago.
But it’s just now that I’m starting to be able to assume the mantle of the quietly confident self-advocate. It’s still very much a work in progress. But there’s finally some progress. And it’s due in no small part to Julie.
With Julie and Brad,
Each confidence is different.
Self-advocacy.
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