Down the Tubes Productions

Julie’s List 

First off, let’s get the absolute WORST holiday related…thing…out of the way. It is an abomination to refer to it even as “entertainment” – it is just horrific. That thing is “The Star Wars Holiday Special” (1978). From Mark Hamill’s hair to the repeated clips from the original movies showing the Millennium Falcon swooping around the galaxy to the very uncomfortable scene of Grandpa Chewie and his “virtual reality” viewing experience. I can’t even deal with the thought of it, and didn’t even make it through the entire film. I have already dedicated too many words to this horrendous and ick-inducing production.

Now, on to my personal top 10 list of holiday movies! (This list is based entirely on nostalgia and nothing to do with cinematic craft). 

10. Rudolph (1964)

It’s mandatory viewing. We all know it, we all do it, and we all secretly want to live on the “Island of the Misfit Toys”. Yukon Cornelius is a nuisance, and Santa is kind of mean, but Rudolph more than makes up for it in his innocence, perseverance, and tenacity to pull that damn sleigh. Rudolph’s nose set him apart from others, much like my hearing loss set me apart from other kids.  Growing up, I always felt different and had to deal with bullying at the hands of my peers, being left out of our own versions of “reindeer games” at recess. My lifelong connection to this movie definitely links back to my hearing loss. And of course, when Burl Ives lets loose those first notes as the singing snowman, that is the true signal of the holiday season here in New England, long before the first snowfall. 

9. How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) 

The original Grinch voiced by the always terrifying Boris Karloff, is the epitome of a misunderstood creature. I always sympathised with the Grinch, and wondered what it was that caused him to be so angry! And then I grew up..and experienced life…and honestly? I think the Grinch just wants a few minutes of peace and quiet from those goddamn singing “Whos down in Whoville”. Or maybe he’s an introvert. Either way, I watch this at least once a season – and wonder what, exactly, a can of “Who-Hash” tastes like? 

8. It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

Stop the screaming, hooting and hollering by all of you that think this should be at least in the top 3 if not the number 1 movie on this list. I watch it because it is a classic, much like I have to have a candy cane sometime in December – because it is what you do. This movie is steeped in tradition and Jimmy Stewart’s portrayal is iconic. But how many times can you hear about an angel getting its wings? Congratulations, Clarence, you made it – but do we have to keep hearing about it? 

7. The Holdovers (2023) 

In a word, I absolutely loved it. It is not what you think of when you think of a “Christmas Movie” – it is heavy, serious, and not without heartbreak. Paul Giamatti is masterful in his role as is Da’Vine Joy Randolph. I don’t want to say too much about it, but if you enjoyed the movie “Sideways” (also starring Giamatti), this movie was directed by the same director. Give it a try and report back! 

6. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) 

Honestly, you can watch this while you are doing other things around the house, miss all the dialogue and animation, and just enjoy the masterful notes of the Vince Guaraldi Trio. That’s it. That’s the movie. This is one of the finest musical scores I have ever heard – and those of you that know me, know that I listen to a lot of music, so this is very high praise. And – while you’re at it – practice the side to side hopping dance moves, too! This movie is so sweet and charming and a total throwback to what I deem a “simpler time”. Lucy bossing everyone around all the time also resonantes. Brad can attest to that. 

5. Bad Santa (2003) 

It is raunchy, offensive, wildly inappropriate, not for kids or people with a high moral ground…luckily I am none of those things, and I LOVE this movie. Billy Bob Thornton is the height of dysfunction – and there is one scene where he lets fly something every teacher has wanted to yell at least once in their career. (If you are a teacher and you watch this movie, see if you can find it, then drop a comment and let me know if it resonated!) Also, “Do you want some sandwiches?” is a favorite quote that I have been known to let fly at any opportunity. This movie is truly side splitting if you possess my very sick sense of humor. I love it. 

4. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) 

I have seen this movie too many times to count, and each time I watch it I swear it gets funnier and funnier. From Clark Griswald’s terrorizing of Margo and Todd next door, to the lighting of the Christmas lights on the house – I screech with laughter every time. I have also added quotes from that movie to my own holiday traditions exclaiming, “Little full, lotta sap” when we get our tree and – of course – Cousin Eddie’s oft-quipped line, “Merry Christmas! Sh*tter’s full!” If you have never watched this movie – believe me when I tell you that even though I stated a few moments in this write-up, there are a million more that will have you clutching your sides. It is that tremendous. 

3. Elf (2003)

From the second it hit the screen, it became a holiday classic. The cast is brilliant with James Caan and Will Ferrell stealing the show alongside Bob Newhart. I loved seeing actors that I grew up watching in more serious roles become silly and irreverent alongside one of my favorite comics in his iconic turn as Buddy the Elf. I know that the song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” has come under what I deem unnecessary fire lately, but it is featured in the movie. And it stays as one of my top holiday songs – I said what I said, fight me. 

2. A Christmas Story (1983) 

Look, some people will say that this movie “didn’t age well” in parts. I disagree completely – take the story in context of the time that it was made and when it takes place – and relax. The quotable lines from this film are many, and as I write this blog post I am realizing that “quotable lines” seems to be quite important to me in choosing movies! But I digress – come for Ralphie, see if he shoots his eye out, and stay for the Bumpus hounds. It is brilliant. 

1. Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas (1977) 

Based on the classic tale, “The Gift of the Magi”, coupled with the brilliance of Jim Henson and the Muppets, this is a love story in its purest form. A story of a mother and son making a sacrifice for the happiness of the other, with a perfect and rewarding ending. An incredibly meaningful song appears in this movie, “When The River Meets the Sea”, and it has been a song that I have turned to over the course of my life from when I was a child as a comfort during some of the harder times. It speaks to my soul as an offered prayer, and I have found myself returning to it in these past months. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, and that it brings you solace. Here it is: John Denver & The Muppets When the River Meets the Sea

Brad’s List

Dishonorable Mention- Star Wars Holiday Special

By Yoda’s pointy-ears, what a horrible example of what can happen when studio execs meddle!   The only thing this abomination of a movie had going for it is the first appearance of Boba Fett. It certainly was “special”. 

10 – Red One 

Because it came out last year, this one has a bit of recency bias. If I were to put together this list next year, it may not be here.  I’ve been a fan of Dwayne Johnson since he was a ‘rassler. His movies aren’t gonna win any academy awards but that’s not what I watch ‘em for. I like me a good action flick. This was a good action flick. 

9-  Holiday Inn 

Bing Crosby, troublesome personality “quirks” aside, is one of my favorite Christmas carolers. In brief, this musical is about an inn that is open only on holidays. Hence the name. It has a fantastic old-timey feel to it. And Bing’s voice is superb. Oh, and Irving Berlin wrote a little ditty you might have heard for this movie: White Christmas. 

8- The Grinch 

With apologies to Jim Carey. Give me the original animated version any day. The first time I saw this one when I was so young, it gave me nightmares. But a lot of stuff gave wee Brad nightmares. As I grew out of that (mostly), I grew to like this movie, dated animation and all, more and more. Now it smacks of nostalgia and the scary Grinch has become like an old friend. 

7- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 

Speaking of nostalgia, this one takes me back every time I watch it. It takes me back to a simpler time, a time when I could eat chocolate and didn’t have any hearing aids (but needed them). TV has always made a huge deal about broadcasting it. So it felt like an event when it finally came on. A marketing ploy for sure. But it totally worked on me. 

6- A Charlie Brown Christmas 

At only 30 minutes, this is more a TV special than it is a movie. (If only the Star Wars Holiday Special was 30 minutes!) But it’s another hit of nostalgia for me. That seems to be what the Christmas season traffics in. I recently rewatched it, too. I had forgotten how gloomy Charlie is in the beginning. I’ve had a Christmas season or two when I felt more depressed than cheerful. So I found myself relating to poor ol’ Chuck. But it’s a rather heart-warming story with some great music. Speaking of heart-warming…

5- Die Hard 

This is more of a Christmas movie than It’s A Wonderful Life. Hear me out. It takes place on Christmas eve. It’s got plenty of Christmas songs. It’s driven by greed and features a mannish boy who throws a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants (Karl). It features someone who overcomes a personal struggle. No, not Bruce. Reginald. Sure the man who played Carl on Family Matters overcomes a struggle that ends up with him killing someone. (Forget the fact that dude shoulda been dead ten times over already.) And finally it features a family reunited.The movie ends with Holly taking John home to see their kids.  

4- Home Alone

This one is a “tweener” movie for me. I was in-between the wild-eyes kid and the angsty teen years. I may have even seen this one in the theater. Being about Kevin’s age, I put myself in his shoes and thoroughly enjoyed the cartoonish violence. 

3- Scrooged 

I’ll admit it’s an uneven movie but I’m a big fan of Bill Murray’s humor. He smooths over any rough spots in the script for me. 

As someone who loves the Dickens original, I was very pleased to see something that usually doesn’t make movie adaptions: the two children hidden in The Ghost of Christmas Future’s robes. Their names are Ignorance and Want. 

2- Elf

Will Ferrell is one of the best straight men in cinematic history. In this movie his powers are on full display. The director deserves a good bit of credit, too. The movie is a great blend of comedy and drama. Jon Favreau bounces back-and-forth between the two tones expertly. And there are so many good quotes! 

“SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA HERE? I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!”

“You sit on a throne of lies!” 

“{picking up the phone} Buddy the Elf. what’s your favorite color?”

“Did you hear that?”

The last one is what he says after he burps for literally 12 seconds. It has me laughing so hard I’m in tears. Every. Single. Time.

1- Muppet Christmas Carol

I love the Muppets. 

I love Charles Dickens (I can see Julie rolling her eyes from here). 

Putting the two of them together was brilliant. I love how Micheal Caine plays the role of Scrooge as serious as a car crash. Having Gonzo be Charlie and narrate parts of the story is a great blend of literary and lunacy. 

I watch this every year. And a number of years ago, I went back and read the story for the first time in years. I’d read it before I ever saw the movie. But it had been so long that when Marley’s ghost pays his visit, for a hot minute I thought “Wait, where’s Bob?” 

That’s another thing I love about the movie, the subtle jokes. 

Statler played Jacob so of course Waldorf had to be named Robert (aka Bob) Marley. 

There’s a scene where Gonzo has to catch Rizzo as he jumps off the top of a gate. Gonzo misses. And then Rizzo realizes he forgot his jelly beans. So he squeezes between the bars to go get them. 

Which brings me to quotes! Gonzo and Rizzo have some of the best ones. 

Here’s the exchange before off the aforementioned gate:

• Rizzo the Rat: There are two things in this life I hate: heights, and jumping from them.
• Gonzo: Too late now. Come on, I’ll catch you.
• Rizzo the Rat: God save my little broken body!
• [Jumps and falls to the ground. He looks at Gonzo]
• Gonzo: Missed.
• Rizzo the Rat: Oh wait a second… I forgot my jellybeans. Um…
• [Slides through the bars to retrieve them, and joins Gonzo back on the other side. Gonzo stares at him]
• Rizzo the Rat: What?
• Gonzo: You can fit through those bars?
• Rizzo the Rat: Yeah…
• Gonzo: You are such an idiot.

Here’s another great exchange:

• Gonzo: Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story.
• Rizzo the Rat: And I am here for the food.

How about this one:

• Gonzo: He was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scr…
• [noticing the smudged window of Scrooge’s office]
• Gonzo: Boy, this really *is* a dirty city!
• Rizzo the Rat: Heh, you’re tellin’ me!
• Gonzo: Come here.
• Rizzo the Rat: Hmm?
• [Gonzo grabs Rizzo and uses him to wipe off the window pane]
• Rizzo the Rat: [sarcastic] Thank you for makin’ me a part of this!

I could go on (and on and on..)  But I won’t.

I’ll end with a bit of trivia, because I love me some trivia: do you know why Rowlf only had a cameo (playing piano and Fozziwig’s Christmas party)? Because it was the first production after Jim died and Rowlf was the closest to Jim’s personality. Out of respect, and probably out of a healthy dose of grief, Brian Henson decided to just feature him in the background. 

To enjoy Christmas,
you don’t have to be Christian.
Love is love is love.