- What was your first impression?
Julie:
We were briefly introduced upon his arrival in my backyard. I had no idea how introverted he was initially or I would have had a greater appreciation for the sacrifice it took for him to enter the carnival atmosphere that defines our legendary July 4th BBQ! On the rare instances I was able to circulate amongst guests and land at the table where he was sitting, I distinctly remember thinking, “Does this man talk?”
Brad:
I believe my first thought, as the overlapping conversations wove an unintelligible buzzing tapestry of sound in the backyard, was “How in the hell does she do this every year!?” When her hosting duties brought her Brad-ward, I saw something I recognized: a delay. That delay told me that she may do this every year but she does so with much effort and a little bluffing. There were pauses in our brief conversation that told me she only caught snatches of what I said. Which was a-ok by me. The catching was mutual.
- Is this someone that you would have been friends with if you hadn’t been introduced?
Julie:
I let a cackle slip out when I read this question – because the mere thought of us even approaching one another in any situation is laughable. This is not a mean spirited statement, but rather a statement of fact due to our absolutely opposite personalities, socialization habits, and activities that we define as fun. For example, Brad is happiest out on a wooded trail alone with his thoughts (for reasons I will never understand). I am at my most gregarious and content when surrounded by family and friends at a football tailgate in the midst of an energized crowd, which would prompt Brad to break out into hives. So, without an introduction, there is no way we would have ever organically crossed paths.
Brad:
Honestly, no. As introverted as I am I would have had a hard time not getting drowned by her firehose personality. But then again, timing is everything. I’d just recently started talking about my hearing loss. Even if I weren’t as observant as I am, those sparkly pink hearing aid moldings are tough to miss. I very well might have struck up a conversation on our shared struggles.
- What accommodations do you do for one another – either hearing related or otherwise?
Julie:
In the early days of this partnership, I found myself hyper aware of not only Brad’s hearing loss but his introversion. We move through the world in completely opposite fashion. It was a huge learning curve for me to figure out how to orbit around one another. I recall that the first time we spent a full workday together I was overly conscious of speaking louder, carefully enunciating, speaking at a slower rate, and trying (really trying) to not talk too much to spare his quiet system from hurtling into overload. As this project evolved, we learned quickly that we both placed equal emphasis on maintaining open communication with one another, which supported implementation of necessary accommodations and habits. We were polite with one another at first, but have reached a direct approach that involves a lot of shorthand language to convey what the other one needs – and is basically indecipherable to the casual listener. For example, “Louis! Your ear is red. Food? Move to the left! Off a cliff – let’s go.” – but it works.
Brad:
I’m very deliberate in my speech. I make sure I speak clearly and always face her. It’s something I’ve done my whole life with my dad and something I’ve done for the last year with my fellow HLAA members. But it’s not something I even think about with anyone else. I also keep my beard and mustache trimmed. I know that obscuring my lips can make lip-reading challenging, if not impossible. I’ll never have a ZZ Top beard and not just because my hair is curly it grows out not down.
- What has been the easiest part of this partnership?
Julie:
The ease of communication about everything – we are very comfortable with broaching difficult topics, handling the rare disagreement, and being open about our personal feelings, perceptions, and emotions. There is a level of comfort between us that was unexpected considering how we are polar opposites in every way imaginable. We are fortunate to have arrived at a level of mutual respect and trust in such a short time, as it is critical to the work that we are doing together.
Brad:
Communication and organization. We’re both excellent communicators. This is not something to be undervalued. I know a lot of people that are poor communicators. Some take forever and a day to get to the point, some are inattentive and thus poor communicators, and some are dishonest out of disrespect or fear. We’re both honest and open. That doesn’t mean we always agree but at least we respect the other’s point of view. And as the project sprouts new vines, our organizational skills are helping that communication. We take turns organizing our thoughts in a Google Drive. Frankly, it’s a bit overwhelming to see how much we have organized in there!
- What has been an unexpected challenge of this collaboration?
Julie:
I cannot think of a single unexpected challenge which is likely due to our ongoing negotiating, compromising and making joint decisions together about literally everything. I know that we both wish for unlimited time to work on our project as we are growing quickly and have what I refer to as “tentacles” branching out in a million different directions. Fortunately, we are both committed to this partnership and believe in our work deeply. The passion and enthusiasm for what we are creating ensures that the time we do have together is productive and efficient due to our strong communication abilities, organizational skills, and slightly twisted sense of humor.
Brad:
Finding balance. My default setting is sitting and reading. But I feel so strongly about destigmatizing hearing loss that I’ve gone into activism overdrive. What started as something to help me do my job, grew many other tentacles. The second of which was volunteering for the Hearing Loss Association of America’s Boston chapter. Then, a few months later, I met Julie. Boom. Another tentacle. At the beginning of this year, I added another by becoming tech support for an HLAA regional conference. It’s been as exhilarating as it has been exhausting. I overextend myself very easily because I love to help people. It’s literally what I do for both work and fun. It feels great to be able to help others have the information about hearing loss that I didn’t have growing up.
But now I’m helping in so many ways that I suffer from an introvert hangover almost weekly. I know I can’t help others if I don’t take care of myself. The world is as harsh to introverts as it is to the hard of hearing. I’m working on finding balance to give myself the solitude I need, to find the balance between burning bright and burning out. The show is a blast and Julie has become not just a great co-host but also a great friend. As I struggle to find the balance, our aforementioned communication skillz (they very much warrant a z!) are incredibly helpful. I’m weebling and I’m wobbling but I’m not falling down.
- What is your partner’s greatest strength?
Julie:
There are many, but if I had to pick a few, I would start with his genuine compassion and empathy. He exudes kindness and concern for everyone that crosses his path, while I tend to reserve my care and investment in people until I have had the chance to get to know them a bit longer. Another strength is his ability to calmly and rationally bring me back down to the ground when my grandiose visions and enthusiasm for all the things gets a bit carried away as does my desire to have everything finished in the next five minutes. Lastly, he loves dogs which was the number one requirement if he expected to remain in my company.
Brad:
Bravery. She’s unafraid to speak her mind, to try something new, to offend someone. But she’s not arrogant nor cruel about it. My hearing loss always gives me pause. I don’t like to step out of my comfort zone. I know my discomfort is, in part, due to my introversion. But my hearing is the other part. It’s never held Julie back. I’m in awe at how she’s never let it do so. Be it an adventure or a comment, she does or says what she needs. I literally could not do this show without her. Her bravery and energy are at the heart of Hearing Things with Julie and Brad. She’s constantly unearthing new tentacles we can reach out with and showing me how wide our reach could be. I know I’m there with her but I also know I could never be so brave alone.
- What part of the D/HH experience has been improved by this partnership?
Julie:
As the lone hearing impaired person in my family, friend group, workplace, and general life orbit, the value of having someone that completely understands my triumphs and struggles has been life changing. My family and friends are incredibly supportive and understanding as possible, but having someone that lives with hearing loss and hearing aids that can offer relatability and empathy is irreplaceable. I have a stubborn streak and resolve within me that has largely pushed my hearing loss to the side for the majority of my life. I always believed that acknowledging it fully and seeking support from others that have the same challenges was a tragic character flaw. Brad has slowly encouraged me to become involved with the Hearing Loss Association of America’s Boston Chapter. This was a major turning point for me as I have resisted participation of any kind in the hard of hearing community. I remain cautious and a bit hesitant, but plan on trying out a few more meetings and events to assess if this is a place for me to make connections and seek support.
Brad:
There’s a word that’s often heard in equity, diversity, and inclusion (EDI) circles; intersectionality. It aims to show how no one person is defined by any one trait. I first learned of the word in Ijeoma Oluo’s So You Want to Talk About Race. The intersectionality we focus on for the show is where our hearing loss and our bibliophilia meet. The conversation about hearing loss needs to be louder (#sorrynotsorry). But that doesn’t mean that’s all we have to talk about. I love reading because it helped me get through school before I had my bionic ears. I love reading because it helps me recharge my introvert battery. I love reading because it’s a break from active listening. I’m confident that some of our followers love reading too; if for other non-hearing-related reasons. And because they do, it allows them to relate to us more strongly. And I hope this intersection of hearing loss and reading will help get more people thinking and talking about hearing loss. (Side note: I first heard EDI called DEI. I thought the change in word order was pointless. Until I had a beer. Kabron Brewing Justice Equity Diversity Include IPA; or JEDI IPA. The Force is strong in them!)
- Have you changed any of your D/HH personal routines or technology needs as a result of your work in this collaboration?
Julie:
Absolutely! I recently learned that my iphone has an open caption option in the settings, and have been fiddling around with that feature with my students to see if it can maximize my ability to converse with them in a small group setting. I have downloaded a few caption apps as well, though have not explored them in great depth. I am pursuing a 504 accommodation plan through my workplace to ensure that I have access to a wireless microphone to assist me with hearing in-person, large group meetings as well as other physical space considerations. I have always been a strong self-advocate, but I am incorporating more technology which has been to my advantage as my hearing continues to decline.
Brad:
Not changed, exactly. But I’ve grown more confident in speaking up for my needs. Both in the moment and beforehand. For so long (too long) I’ve internalized the message that my hearing loss was my fault. If I didn’t hear someone, I wasn’t trying hard enough. I took to wearing a button at work that says I’m hard of hearing. But that was a passive thing to do. Over the past couple of years, I got more than a few patrons who have used their tech help sessions to talk about hearing loss and hearing aids. My collaboration with Julie bolstered my bravery and I’ve started a monthly hearing loss tips and tricks program at my library. I also hooked the library into WHO’s World Hearing Day by working with my Youth Librarian to put on a special hearing loss storytime as well as bringing a hard of hearing speaker in to talk about her journey on that day. I don’t like the spotlight. I don’t think I ever will. But this collaboration has allowed me to grow more comfortable in it.
- I challenge my DHH partner to do the following:
Julie:
I dragged that man out in the rain without his hearing aids in (which was among the worst ideas I have ever had) and then promptly followed it up a few months later with an absolutely miserable experience in the rain (again) at a Boston College football game. (I am shocked we are still speaking). Naturally, my next challenge must involve our sworn enemy – water! I am throwing down that this summer we will take a speedboat tour in Maine – bring your hearing aid case, Brad, this is happening!
Brad:
I was tempted to say something punny like: take a hike. Or maybe even: be ok with introvert days. But the former isn’t serious and the latter isn’t necessary. Our extrovert-introvert dynamic is one of the things that makes us successful. Instead of saying those things, I’ll say: take a more active role in HLAA.
She’s already started. By the time this is published we’ll have presented at a regional hearing loss conference, But in true introverted fashion, I urge her to take her time and get comfortable with the idea of being more actively engaged in a community she’s intentionally avoided. There’s a lot to work through, there’s a lot to adjust to. So, as she organizes her thoughts and plans on how to get involved in the HLAA, I’ll urge her to heed the words of Roman Emperor August: “festina lente”. Or for those of us not fluent in Latin: hasten slowly.
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