Down the Tubes Productions

This blog post is dedicated to the absolute best post-surgical hospital roommate anyone could have ever asked for – the one and only Rita G.

The day finally came where walking, standing, sleeping, sitting, driving, running, and even a well styled sashaying down the hallway became completely unbearable. I was strapped into a custom made brace to hold my crumbling knee together in the weeks leading up to surgery. A contraption I was told to wear “all the time except sleeping – because you are at risk for permanent structural damage”. 

The time had come for a knee replacement. 

On the run up to surgery I was a mess of nerves – both excited and anxious. I was elated at the prospect of being free from this crippling pain that kept me from moving at my standard frenetic pace, but terrified at the thought of surrendering complete control over to the surgeon and operating room staff. I tried to lean into faith, happy thoughts, and acknowledge that if something went wrong on the operating table and I didn’t wake up…well…I probably wasn’t going to know…small comfort, I suppose, in those moments of pervasive thoughts. 

The big day arrived, Mark dropped me off at the hospital, I limped in, and turned it all over to the amazing hospital staff and medical providers. I could not have been more comfortable and at ease on what could have been an angst-ridden morning – they were fantastic. My friends and family sent positive thoughts and funny memes – and one dear friend who shall remain nameless (but those that know him can probably guess) sent a message that ended with “See you on the other side”. As morbid as that was, it was the laugh I needed – and his way of wishing me luck in a language of sarcasm that we share and no one else understands. 

I was calm, cool, collected (as much as I can ever reach that state) and was in a positive frame of mind right up to the moment that I was about to be wheelend into the operating room. 

This was where things took a sudden turn. 

The nurse asked for my hearing aids and my glasses. 

The bed started rolling right into the open operating room. 

On one hand, I have been rendered completely senseless. 

On the other hand, I had some drugs in my system so I was hoping to be on my way over the rainbow by the time the swinging operating doors closed. 

This was not the case. 

Immediately, once my bed came to a halt, I had a flurry of blurry faces in masks gesturing and touching me and presumably making demands. 

Let’s look at the instant replay reel – my hearing aids and glasses were taken from me just moments before – I am up the surgical creek without a paddle. 

I am a career educator. 

I summoned 25+ years of managing students and their parents from deep within me, and out came the ultimate “teacher voice” – as I loudly (and I mean loudly) issued the following commands in a manner of what I imagined Captain John Parker yelled to his Minutemen on the fateful morning of April 19th, 1775: 

“EVERYONE. STOP!  YOU TOOK MY HEARING AIDS. YOU TOOK MY GLASSES. I CANNOT SEE OR HEAR ANY OF YOU, NOR CAN I UNDERSTAND YOUR DIRECTIONS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

(I pause here for dramatic effect – giving the sense that I am in some sort of control even though with my absence of sight and hearing I actually have no idea what is going on…) 

I continue, “NO ONE IS TO BE NEAR ME RIGHT NOW. THE ONLY PERSON I WANT NEAR ME IS DR. PATEL – DR. PATEL, WHERE ARE YOU?”

(My favorite person at the moment, Dr. Patel, the anesthesiologist)

I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder and he leaned close so I could see his face – a gesture designed to be comforting and non-startling, for which I am forever grateful. 

I wasn’t done yet, “DR. PATEL IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS GOING TO BE WORKING ON ME RIGHT NOW – DR. PATEL, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO AND PUT ME TO SLEEP!”

I remember nothing after that – and Dr. Patel remains the unsung hero of the operating room that morning. 

And I am confident that I was a topic of conversation at many dinner tables that night as the surgical team recounted their day – but hopefully they learned a thing or two about how to support their hearing impaired patients that rely on assistive listening devices.